You know me well enough to find the combination of letters to shatter me. You know the precise few seconds it takes before my heart pauses with emptiness. You laugh at the broken soul in front of you as you lose yourself in your own mischief. You can’t help but feel good about the wounds you inflict upon me, covering up the reasons behind them as revenge. You know deep down that you’ve gone beyond your own lies because this is no longer interpreted as revenge. No, this is the petty nature you’ve moulded into, or maybe it’s just who you’ve always been. For the longest time, I blamed myself, I thought that every infliction was understandable.
This pain you once took part in developed into my own growth. I grew up deteriorating every fibre of who I am supposed to be. I know this sounds like I am trying to lift this regret, this guilt of destroying my grades, my motivation, even my will to live. I know it sounds like I am trying to blame you for every shit corner of my life but I’m not that petty. I know I have done wrong, I know I have caused pain upon myself and others. Yes, to some degree, it can trace down to your actions. But you no longer exist, you no longer have power over this grand scale of life. This is me moving through the acknowledgements of myself, allowing myself to get back on the right pathway of growth. You won’t ever read this because I will never let you discover the person I am becoming.