A puzzled mess broken down on the first night, followed by the shattered glass beneath my bare toes. I keep replaying the points in time where those tiny, shameful thoughts developed. These frustrations terribly difficult to express directly without a hint of fear. These fearful questions emptying out my mind, forcing my everything to slowly deteriorate back into the shadows.
Month: August 2017
A soft message for you
Maybe it’s the mind resting against the beat of the song, or your voice lulling through my memories, but I really like you. I feel like I under-appreciated the beauty I’m fortunate to have met and I would like to do something about that. You are an honest, heartwarming, and gorgeous person who has kept me amongst the living. I have approached you countless times, spilling issues after issues in my life and you have never failed to be there. You have taken on nonsensical rambles about the ideas screaming in my head. You have cracked jokes with me, instantly changing moments that are stressful and heart drenching to calmed down happiness. I would love for you to know that no matter what, I will always return this kindness. For every agonizing slice of pain, I will be an already offered pair of ears. Thank you for everything you have done for me!
Refusal of further pain
I could see the pain that laid between your toes, the never ending shivers refusing to let your spine rest. Despite everything that has happened, you are still the same person I’ve admired right from the start. I always held my promise, to be there with you along every broken day with the sun hidden away. But those days are gone now, along with every thought I once kept for you. It took me far too long to realise just how much my heart could stretch, no matter the love shared.
Tiredness
I don’t want to be consumed by the poison that is myself any longer.
Relating Illnesses
You are not the storm you make out to be, the crack between sanity and reality. I understand the jumble of words inside that corrupted mind of yours as it tries so hard to complete the picture. Your words shouted out without thought, hoping to discover the illness of your days. Let me tell you that it will be okay, that every mystery comes down to the depression chipping away at your shoulder, devouring every last piece of self esteem. But do not fear as this crippling feeling deep inside you will perish over time. Take this from me, an impaired person refusing to let death inside every appointment I walk into. I have taken so long to acknowledge the painful reality that depression cannot be cured by a simple pill over night. It takes countless nights of staring at empty ceilings, corrupted thoughts at train stations, and numbed out screams for help. The road out may not be an easy one, but it is a pathway we must take.