Appreciation

The beauty we almost missed

I have recently reached this feeling lately that the beauty of life could never be exhausted. I have found that beautiful things in life can never truly finish.

Take snorkelling for example, I could visit the same spot a million times and still feel wonderment and enjoyment. There are many creatures and corals and nature itself to keep your jaw at your ankles. You can find the feeling of peace with little to no movement as you float above a city of seaweed. The many schools of fish darting through the water, almost too difficult for the world to keep up to.

How amazing is it then, that we even get the chance to experience this life. How rare must it have been that you and I shared this plane of existence. I will forever cherish the moments we have shared together, even beyond my death.

I find myself more and more lately wanting the lasting image of me to be one of wonderment and appreciation. The infinite beauty I share with you is one I hope you share with many others to come.

I have been so incredibly lucky to have met you, to have experience the time I have had with every single person, however little or long that might have been. I could not have built up this love of beauty, wonderment and love itself if it hadn’t been for every single piece of experience.

What has dominated my thoughts lately, especially around this sensation of ending things, is the aftermath. This image of myself and what I want standing upright beyond my passing has slowly been dictating the way I act and present myself. I am trying to encourage the idea of seeking beauty. I think it is wonderful that we have this shape and form to exist in, even if all we are currently doing is our laundry. I find myself feeling my greatest when I capture moments of joy, moments of wonderment and amazement. The look of someone excited and engulfed In this current activity is what makes it worth it.

When I am out there in the waters, everything incredible I find is immediately enhanced through the eyes of someone I am sharing it with. To be in a moment with someone, excited and happy at those discoveries must be the closest we can get to defining purpose.

I love that I get to live this life and meet the people I have come across. I deeply enjoy the moments I am fortunate enough to experience with them. That is why I have a deep sadness for my departure. I have had this sinking feeling for a while at the bottom of my broken heart. It is slowly but surely getting to a point where the distant echoes of a heartbeat no longer feels infinite. I can feel the silence reaching my heart someday and I am becoming content with it. I am thankful for all the efforts made in keeping this heart going. It has allowed me to live long enough to feel beauty, wonderment and love.

Heartbeats in the water

Everytime I submerge my ears, I listen to the beat of my own heart.

My heart, slowly beating, kept in its cage as I linger around it with fascinated thoughts.

As I grip that caged beast, it struggles with every force.

Thumping harder and harder against my ears, my lungs screaming alongside it.

Every deep breath begging for mercy for its friend as I hear it almost bursting.

These quick moments of momentum never fail to bring me back to reality.

I am someone important with deafening insides continuously pumping to keep me alive.

A soft message for you

Maybe it’s the mind resting against the beat of the song, or your voice lulling through my memories, but I really like you. I feel like I under-appreciated the beauty I’m fortunate to have met and I would like to do something about that. You are an honest, heartwarming, and gorgeous person who has kept me amongst the living. I have approached you countless times, spilling issues after issues in my life and you have never failed to be there. You have taken on nonsensical rambles about the ideas screaming in my head. You have cracked jokes with me, instantly changing moments that are stressful and heart drenching to calmed down happiness. I would love for you to know that no matter what, I will always return this kindness. For every agonizing slice of pain, I will be an already offered pair of ears. Thank you for everything you have done for me!

Masterpiece in the making

You are a masterpiece in the making. This pathway you’re taking should never be judged lightly, as the harsh reality will hit you like a hailstorm. Despite this long and difficult journey, I will still be here no matter what, because in all my time as an observer, I’ve never seen such incredible beauty grow. I’ve witness the quiet, gentle voice you express when you talk about your passion. The softness never fails to send shivers down my spine, it never fails to crack a smile in the corner of my lips. I’ve seen the spark in your eyes as I watch your face glow with both excitement and determination, perfectly mirroring your deepest passions. This warmth you emit encourages the happiness inside me, often in times of defeat when the last thing on my mind is joy. But somehow you do that, and I can’t help but crumble before you as I attempt to collect those three little words. I look forward to every idea you pull out of your hat like a magician, completely immersing my soul. I can’t help but concentrate on your bright red lips as you spill feelings of hope and wonderment. I‘ve known for a long time the beauty in you, and I can’t help but stare in amazement.

The excitement of memories

One of the largest contributors to every beautiful memory to me is the overwhelming feeling of happiness. The warmth building up in your chest, spreading to every part of your body like a dam has just been smashed to pieces. The slight pause in time that feels almost infinite in the most appreciative way. This almost infinity is beautiful because it allows for the admiration of whatever the cause is for a few short moments before reality kicks in, with this feeling of appreciation still captured within the heart. To me, thinking of all the tiny memories allows for an easier pathway, a pathway filled with incredible amounts of hopes. This hope is brought upon by the idea that there is an entire future ahead, just waiting to capture more astonishing memories. Excitement is one of the best outcomes here, as it fills you with wonder and fascination in the possibilities. You can’t help but feel this build up of excitement, with questions popping up in your head one after the other about what could be, or what could not be. This happiness towards the future is an incredible drive that allows you to be open to anything that comes your way.

My mornings with you

Every morning with you has become incredibly beautiful. I love being under the sheets with your face peacefully sunken into the soft pillow. I can’t help but lie there every morning with a gentle smile across the corners of my lips. I love watching as your eyes slowly open, your smile striking across your face, lighting my day up every time. I love being able to lean in to kiss your delicate lips. Sometimes we chuckle as I accidentally lean in as you yawn. Some mornings when you’re feeling lazy, I bring in cereal and coffee for the both of us. I sit cross legged​ with my bowl in my hand as I face you. We spend the morning talking about what’s on today. Sometimes I tell you about my quirky dreams of being chased by some bear that smelled like bacon or that one time I had a dream about a bath duck factory. I enjoy every morning with you because it sets me off for such an incredible day.

The small notices

I see hope drawn out through your exhausted eyes. I see the shyness of your delicate hands as they hide themselves in your lap. I see your legs closely tucked together as they don’t want to take unnecessary space. I see the way you keep your back straight because you’re desperately trying to build perfection in someone already completed with perfection. Everytime I see you, I feel both sadness and joy. I want you to know that who you are as an individual is everything I look for. You’re the perfect combination of a dream and a nightmare. You’re the perfect balance between good and evil. Your eyes are the perfect shade of beauty, that I can’t help but pick up my favourite brush to paint them with. Your hands are beautifully constructed, like they were perfectly molded to fit mine. They’re distinctly smooth enough to run across my skin, imprinting their touch into my memories forever. Your legs twirl around mine like a bow sealing the kindest gift anyone could receive. I feel the gentleness of every bump on your spine every chance I massage you. Your shoulder blades are so easily placed underneath my hands every time we cuddle. You’re beautiful in every way, regardless of the flaws you see in yourself.

An appreciation to she who matters

Lately, I’ve been seeing you walk on my side of the curb in life. Sometimes the moments are unforgettable; like the blissful laugh heard from across the table to a terrible joke I made or the genuine voice seeping through your lips as you compliment my small creations. I thought for a while there, you sailed off away from me but due to recent circumstances, I got you back. And this small crack of time between us revealed these honest feeling of appreciation for who you are. You are the photographer I aspire to be, you are the admirable kindness of a gentle soul, you are the realisation that there is hope in this world of everlasting conflicts. I wish we could be closer but there will always be the uncertainty crawling under my skin, this fear that you may not wish for the same.

Maybe I will try for something more, even just a simple coffee on the corner every week. I want to hear about all the small adventures you get through in your short, yet busy weeks. I want to learn from you, whether it’s something personal about you that you fear sharing or the different types of cameras and lens you have for every setting. I want to take a personal interest in you because I genuinely believe you’re an incredible person who I am deeply grateful to have in my life.

Questions by Jack Johnson

I think my love of exploring interests stems from this song. Amongst all the various songs I’ve grown up listening to, a song I’ve kept close to my heart. Because of it, I adore the idea of taking a deep interest in people​; in their lives, their conflicts and their beautiful memories. I believe the idea of learning someone is one of the most precious things in life.

What intrigues me most about the lyrics of the song is this notion of only being able to ask one question. It’s beautifully shaped as he asks for a suggestion on what to ask because it brings to light the uniqueness of every individual. There are no right or wrong answers, there is no single question that can be asked that opens up a person. Everyone is gorgeously individual and this thought that every person has a unique question intrigues me to the point where I can’t help but explore it. Every new face I come across, I can’t help but attempt to discover their question. I absolutely adore being close with people, whether it’s for a split moment or a lifetime, it’s still an incredible experience. 

I highly suggest you search up the song as it’s amazingly well done. 

My middle name

You call me by my middle name and I thought you were making fun of me but you weren’t. You genuinely liked my middle name and you decided for yourself that that’s what you’re going to call me from that point on. At first I was uncomfortable but then I realised a weird beauty behind it. You were comfortable when talking to me, you wanted to call me something different, something you liked. You’re my only friend that calls me by my middle name and that strangely allows you to become unique to me.