Love

The beauty we almost missed

I have recently reached this feeling lately that the beauty of life could never be exhausted. I have found that beautiful things in life can never truly finish.

Take snorkelling for example, I could visit the same spot a million times and still feel wonderment and enjoyment. There are many creatures and corals and nature itself to keep your jaw at your ankles. You can find the feeling of peace with little to no movement as you float above a city of seaweed. The many schools of fish darting through the water, almost too difficult for the world to keep up to.

How amazing is it then, that we even get the chance to experience this life. How rare must it have been that you and I shared this plane of existence. I will forever cherish the moments we have shared together, even beyond my death.

I find myself more and more lately wanting the lasting image of me to be one of wonderment and appreciation. The infinite beauty I share with you is one I hope you share with many others to come.

I have been so incredibly lucky to have met you, to have experience the time I have had with every single person, however little or long that might have been. I could not have built up this love of beauty, wonderment and love itself if it hadn’t been for every single piece of experience.

What has dominated my thoughts lately, especially around this sensation of ending things, is the aftermath. This image of myself and what I want standing upright beyond my passing has slowly been dictating the way I act and present myself. I am trying to encourage the idea of seeking beauty. I think it is wonderful that we have this shape and form to exist in, even if all we are currently doing is our laundry. I find myself feeling my greatest when I capture moments of joy, moments of wonderment and amazement. The look of someone excited and engulfed In this current activity is what makes it worth it.

When I am out there in the waters, everything incredible I find is immediately enhanced through the eyes of someone I am sharing it with. To be in a moment with someone, excited and happy at those discoveries must be the closest we can get to defining purpose.

I love that I get to live this life and meet the people I have come across. I deeply enjoy the moments I am fortunate enough to experience with them. That is why I have a deep sadness for my departure. I have had this sinking feeling for a while at the bottom of my broken heart. It is slowly but surely getting to a point where the distant echoes of a heartbeat no longer feels infinite. I can feel the silence reaching my heart someday and I am becoming content with it. I am thankful for all the efforts made in keeping this heart going. It has allowed me to live long enough to feel beauty, wonderment and love.

Missed Beauty

I could say a million things but you would already know them. The cryptic messages only for your eyes hidden between lines. Your beauty astonishing yet missing from my sight. I miss your smile inducing messages, your gorgeous quirks lit up inside every sentence sent my way. I hope for your softness every night as I look across at my phone. Maybe you’re lost, searching for me, searching for something to cross the deserts set out ahead of you. Please, find it, whether it’s a cave with its rocks tumbling away a pathway for you, or  even turning back to some of your old methods of survival. 

Masterpiece in the making

You are a masterpiece in the making. This pathway you’re taking should never be judged lightly, as the harsh reality will hit you like a hailstorm. Despite this long and difficult journey, I will still be here no matter what, because in all my time as an observer, I’ve never seen such incredible beauty grow. I’ve witness the quiet, gentle voice you express when you talk about your passion. The softness never fails to send shivers down my spine, it never fails to crack a smile in the corner of my lips. I’ve seen the spark in your eyes as I watch your face glow with both excitement and determination, perfectly mirroring your deepest passions. This warmth you emit encourages the happiness inside me, often in times of defeat when the last thing on my mind is joy. But somehow you do that, and I can’t help but crumble before you as I attempt to collect those three little words. I look forward to every idea you pull out of your hat like a magician, completely immersing my soul. I can’t help but concentrate on your bright red lips as you spill feelings of hope and wonderment. I‘ve known for a long time the beauty in you, and I can’t help but stare in amazement.

Ocean’s Calling

Could you see,

the darkness beyond the horizon?

It’s calling out for you,

seeking your very presence.

There is nothing here for you,

not anymore.

Only the crushed shells,

the sunken soles,

the broken water sinking us deeper.

Maybe it’s time for you to go?

The storms ahead will guide you,

along your journey for the next island.

Maybe then you’ll find him,

the one meant for you?

Missed notes

I know I was only a whisper,

mixed with the sounds of the wind.

But I was hoping you’d hear my voice,

as yours was the only voice I listened to.

I’m sorry if you read these too late,

but know that it’s okay.

I’ll be gone by the time you no longer feel it,

the soft emptiness irritating you,

an emptiness you’re not quiet sure why.

I’m hoping you’d see these notes in time,

in case you can stop me before I leave.

But I know deep down,

that you’ll only romanticise them,

thinking they were only abstract,

meant for no one.

Before I go,

know that I wanted to leave three little words,

words too difficult to say without fear.

So I leave this,

encryptions in notes that may never reach you.

My mornings with you

Every morning with you has become incredibly beautiful. I love being under the sheets with your face peacefully sunken into the soft pillow. I can’t help but lie there every morning with a gentle smile across the corners of my lips. I love watching as your eyes slowly open, your smile striking across your face, lighting my day up every time. I love being able to lean in to kiss your delicate lips. Sometimes we chuckle as I accidentally lean in as you yawn. Some mornings when you’re feeling lazy, I bring in cereal and coffee for the both of us. I sit cross legged​ with my bowl in my hand as I face you. We spend the morning talking about what’s on today. Sometimes I tell you about my quirky dreams of being chased by some bear that smelled like bacon or that one time I had a dream about a bath duck factory. I enjoy every morning with you because it sets me off for such an incredible day.

The small notices

I see hope drawn out through your exhausted eyes. I see the shyness of your delicate hands as they hide themselves in your lap. I see your legs closely tucked together as they don’t want to take unnecessary space. I see the way you keep your back straight because you’re desperately trying to build perfection in someone already completed with perfection. Everytime I see you, I feel both sadness and joy. I want you to know that who you are as an individual is everything I look for. You’re the perfect combination of a dream and a nightmare. You’re the perfect balance between good and evil. Your eyes are the perfect shade of beauty, that I can’t help but pick up my favourite brush to paint them with. Your hands are beautifully constructed, like they were perfectly molded to fit mine. They’re distinctly smooth enough to run across my skin, imprinting their touch into my memories forever. Your legs twirl around mine like a bow sealing the kindest gift anyone could receive. I feel the gentleness of every bump on your spine every chance I massage you. Your shoulder blades are so easily placed underneath my hands every time we cuddle. You’re beautiful in every way, regardless of the flaws you see in yourself.

A message too annoying to write

I’ve been thinking about what I could say, not because I didn’t have enough to say. I am simply a perfectionist, I want what I say to come across the way I intend it to. I think you’re special, incredibly special and I have this fear in the back of my head that I could lose you before I get to know you the way I’d like to. 
You’re incredibly good looking and it stings my heart everytime you refuse to believe it. The muscles in my cheeks take over my lips, creating that genuine curve of a smile every single time I see you, even when I receive that tiny notification at the top of my screen. Even the colour pallet of your profile picture popping up on my phone creates that beautiful excitement. I wish you could look into the mirror the way I look at you. I wish you could feel that spark behind your eyes as you gaze in amazement. I wish you could feel that sudden pause, that soft gasp begging to escape the barriers of your delicate lips. 
And then there are your messages, words with pure beauty wrapped around them like a bow holding together a dozen roses. They create this pure feeling of kindness and care creating this calm warmness surrounding my heart. I enjoy the jokes that escape our lips bringing the most genuine smiles I’ve made in a long while. The sadness grown from our deep discussions of our issues always turns into dandelions. I feel honest with you because of how gentle you come across.  I lose track of time, my eyes begging me to fall asleep but never surrendering. 
I’m honestly speechless, it’s incredibly difficult to pick out what I could say. Because you deserve to hear every beautiful thought that you would never have time to hear.

Your voice

I want to sit around and hear you talk. Your body sunken into the couch as we wrap blankets around us, the room painted with yellow by the dim lamp. Your legs spread out over my lap as I rest my hand on them. Your skin is so incredibly soft, my fingertips can’t help but run along your leg. Every time I look at you, I can’t help but smile. In that moment, that soft silence of self-realisation, I realise how lucky I am to have you. I know in that moment that I’ve met the one because I smile effortlessly, without realisation half the time. As I’m sitting here listening about your day, I can’t help but admire your captivating eyes. Every syllable that forms through your delicately soft lips creates the angelic voice I hold close to my heart. I could spend all night listening to that beautiful voice. 🙂

Stargazing

It’s a quiet night in the countryside. The open fields, the trees in the distance hiding away the horizon. The house we’re staying in is just up the small hill with all the lights turned off. We’re the only ones out here, way out from town. It’s beautiful, I have you in my arms as we lie on the grass, the bright stars gleaming above us. I point out at the three stars, telling you all about the belt of Orion. I close my eyes as I rub my forehead with my fist as I try recalling the names of the three stars… Alnitak, Alnilam and Mintaka. I bring you closer as I wrap my arms around you tighter. We smile as we gaze up at the night sky as it revolves around us, the moon rising as it slowly builds a bridge of light across the lake in the distance. The hours racing past us as we lose ourselves in the beauty of the night. I can’t help but feel free with you by my side.