Motivation

The beauty we almost missed

I have recently reached this feeling lately that the beauty of life could never be exhausted. I have found that beautiful things in life can never truly finish.

Take snorkelling for example, I could visit the same spot a million times and still feel wonderment and enjoyment. There are many creatures and corals and nature itself to keep your jaw at your ankles. You can find the feeling of peace with little to no movement as you float above a city of seaweed. The many schools of fish darting through the water, almost too difficult for the world to keep up to.

How amazing is it then, that we even get the chance to experience this life. How rare must it have been that you and I shared this plane of existence. I will forever cherish the moments we have shared together, even beyond my death.

I find myself more and more lately wanting the lasting image of me to be one of wonderment and appreciation. The infinite beauty I share with you is one I hope you share with many others to come.

I have been so incredibly lucky to have met you, to have experience the time I have had with every single person, however little or long that might have been. I could not have built up this love of beauty, wonderment and love itself if it hadn’t been for every single piece of experience.

What has dominated my thoughts lately, especially around this sensation of ending things, is the aftermath. This image of myself and what I want standing upright beyond my passing has slowly been dictating the way I act and present myself. I am trying to encourage the idea of seeking beauty. I think it is wonderful that we have this shape and form to exist in, even if all we are currently doing is our laundry. I find myself feeling my greatest when I capture moments of joy, moments of wonderment and amazement. The look of someone excited and engulfed In this current activity is what makes it worth it.

When I am out there in the waters, everything incredible I find is immediately enhanced through the eyes of someone I am sharing it with. To be in a moment with someone, excited and happy at those discoveries must be the closest we can get to defining purpose.

I love that I get to live this life and meet the people I have come across. I deeply enjoy the moments I am fortunate enough to experience with them. That is why I have a deep sadness for my departure. I have had this sinking feeling for a while at the bottom of my broken heart. It is slowly but surely getting to a point where the distant echoes of a heartbeat no longer feels infinite. I can feel the silence reaching my heart someday and I am becoming content with it. I am thankful for all the efforts made in keeping this heart going. It has allowed me to live long enough to feel beauty, wonderment and love.

Why is my work worth reading?

“Why is my work worth reading?”

This is a question I want to try nailing down for my audience. It’s not so much that I create content in the hopes to develop some form of income. I’m here because I believe in the passion I have towards creativity.

I’ve spent a large proportion of my life exploring the various amounts of art, from realistic paintings to web-development, from graphic design to animation and game design, from architecture to woodwork, from playing the piano to creating song lyrics. I have discovered incredible amounts of passions for every single piece of work I’ve dedicated my energy to, but unfortunately, most of it never lasts. But recently I’ve been able to find my sense of whereabouts in the creative industry, and I believe it’s partially writing. The reason I say writing is that I also want to dedicate my energy towards the promotion and encouragement of artists from all forms of beauty.

I plan on writing poetry, journals, anything as a way to build up my creativity and possibly get myself out there. I’m also using this as a means to develop my skills and style that could mould my identity into what I believe is the true self I’ve searched for all my life. Throughout this pathway of exploration, I will dedicate time towards workshops that could potentially benefit me, allowing for more refined content.

In regards to the promotion and encouragement of artists, I have dedicated my studies towards commerce, as well as a 16-week workshop every Saturday in web-development. I want to implement every piece of knowledge gained from these courses into my future plans. I believe my passion towards this future has been alongside me all this time but in the form of mixed feelings and confusion. Rather than just seeing and appreciating one’s art, I always felt the need to do it, whether it was watching an architecture construct a stunning house with complex plans with exact dimensions, or an animator presenting the raw emotion of happiness in the form of a young child running through a beautifully coloured setting of nature. This even occurred within the proximity of family, with my brother being the best surfer I know without that statement being even a hint of exaggeration.

At this point in my life, I have realised that I cannot be everyone at once, I cannot go down every single pathway that sparks even the slightest interest. I need to find some form of middle ground for myself and this is where my plans come in. I’m not interested in the monopoly of the industries, I’m not interested in some grand cheque every month. I’m deeply passionate for the hard workers out there, the artists who stay awake day and night dedicating themselves to projects one after the other. I’m here to find some form of means to promote them, to relieve them partially of their stress behind their creations. I am here for the broken artists, the ones lost in the maze of depression, the ones wandering around in the fog aimlessly. I am here for the artists shattered by their physical or mental illnesses. I believe I can do that because I come from a background of illness with my complex heart conditions, partial deafness, damaged lung and years of depression. I want to use my past as a means to communicate with struggling artists, with those who feel like their issues are roadblocks when they’re merely pillars of who they are.

So I think that’s enough of a detailed answer as to why my work is worth reading. I hope this will be able to give some kind of insight as to who I am and where my passion lies.

The small future moments

I often spent my darkest times, searching for the slightest cracks in the walls in hopes to find some form of light. My most grateful trick I forged into my own personality was to look into the future, not in some grand, spectacular way where life becomes a paradise with all my troubles vanish. It was the simple idea of appreciating the small realistic outcomes in the future. For me, it was my very own little apartment, filled with furniture I picked out and paid for myself. It’s my very own couch that remembers me the second I collapse onto it, my cheap, but good enough, TV set up in front of me. It’s the colours of the walls, the layout of my kitchen, the placement of my plants, and the sheets on my bed that I chose myself, that in some way resembles a small part of me. This tiny aspect of my future creates a beautiful sense of individualism, this future me where I am no longer reliant on others around me.

It’s a future I look forward to.

The support I hope to give

Do you really want to know me? I’m nothing but an empty barrel of poor diets and terrible sleeping patterns. I am the person who belongs nowhere with the delusions of someone who believes they can be anyone. I am the instant texter because of the paranoia that fills my mind because I cannot help but believe that I am not deserving of such relationships in my life. I am the dark bedroom filled with a blinding computer screen and the stench of chips. I am a lost hope walking blindly through last minute assignments and tests I never studied for. My room is constantly reshaped due to the illusion of a different space meaning a better version of myself. I am the emptiness behind the stolen jokes and the overused humour.

But I will tell you this; despite every flawed characteristic I have, I stand by everyone I meet. I will always be the one to lost sleep because of a friend desperately in need of support. I am a huge believer in the importance of closeness and vulnerability in every relationship. I try to become close with everyone I meet, not for my own selfish validation of “selfless” kindness, but for the sole purpose of learning. In my time, I have created friendships with people of all areas, from depressed artists to passionate future doctors. I have seen the true beauty in their voices as they gain that momentum of confidence, that tiny spark blasting into wildfires as they become vulnerable to me. For the longest time, I’ve never been sure of what I want to be

For the longest time, I have never been sure of what I want to be, whether it’s an IT specialist or an artist of some sort. But the more reflection made upon my past, upon the relationships developed over the years, an idea has risen. I want to help people in the best possible way I can. Yes, I know I have much to work on to become such an impact, but it will all be worth it.

Importance of determination

Determination and passion is more important than motivation. Motivation is limited, it is a feeling that can last from a minute to as long as years, but it always ends. This idea that motivation is needed to create beautiful artwork is only partially true. But this determination, this strong sense of will allows anything to last for as long as you want it to. Whether it’s deciding you want to make a difference in this world by creating artwork that moves people, that educated people, that brings importance to people’s feelings or even the act of loving the same person all your life. Rather than trying desperately to find new sources of motivation to keep you on track, you could replace that with determination. You could force yourself to sit at a desk and stare at a blank piece of paper for hours and hours until you finally create something. Or you could spend hours and hours creating random pieces of work that in the end results to something amazing.
Even the act of love requires determination. It’s incredibly difficult to love someone all your life if you base it on this feeling that will likely not even last a few years. I’m a strong believer in this idea that if you’re going to love someone, you’re going to need to want it incredibly badly. You’re going to learn their beauties, their flaws, their small habits. Not to romanticise them, not to say how every little thing adds up to one giant beautiful human being. That’s bullshit. You need to do it because you want them, you want to find out more about them. You want to work with them in building a beautiful future. This can require knowing what works and what doesn’t work and what needs fixing. You keep your interest in someone not because of feelings but because you want to. They fascinate you as a person. They’re interesting, they’re independent, they’re their own selves with or without you.