The feeling of a heart wanting to contract itself into nothingness is far too familiar. So are the millions of thoughts rushing through my head, never staying still long enough for me to capture, like tadpoles in a pond. The songs playing out my phone seems to fade into the background, as if I’m becoming smaller and smaller within a body of meat and bones. Occasionally the lyrics sink through, darkening the page that are my thoughts with its black ink. The thoughts becoming smudges, tearing away. My nerves beg me to scream but my throat holds me back, hushing me as it tries to keep my emotions from showing. My eyes staring beyond whatever they’re looking at, as if the subject doesn’t exists. I want so much to be okay but at the same time, Maybe this is needed?