The feeling of a heart wanting to contract itself into nothingness is far too familiar. So are the millions of thoughts rushing through my head, never staying still long enough for me to capture, like tadpoles in a pond. The songs playing out my phone seems to fade into the background, as if I’m becoming smaller and smaller within a body of meat and bones. Occasionally the lyrics sink through, darkening the page that are my thoughts with its black ink. The thoughts becoming smudges, tearing away. My nerves beg me to scream but my throat holds me back, hushing me as it tries to keep my emotions from showing. My eyes staring beyond whatever they’re looking at, as if the subject doesn’t exists. I want so much to be okay but at the same time, Maybe this is needed?
Sadness
Readiness for an end
A single thread of rope dangles between hope and the veins gathered around the base of my neck. The rope loose, but deadly, patiently waiting for the bind. The scaffolds beneath slowly deteriorating from the collection of broken relationships over the small extent of what’s cruelly meant to be beauty.
Her cracks
Could you with cope with yourself knowing you cracked what was once a preciously angelic heart? She still is the essence of such divine, but because of you, she can’t help but claw at her own soul. She panics at the intimacy of words from her loving friends. Because of you, she is scarred beyond what she ever deserves. She can barely hold what keeps her afloat in a sea of lost hope, her skin making the unforgettable pasts of tragedy. Each line marked with a different time stamp, pinpointing all the growth of the cracks you first started.
The changes we make for others
Sometimes the reflection you see disappears, showing someone who fills you with anxiousness. This fear bubbles up within you, and you can’t help but question the reasons behind such personal change. ‘Did I change who I am for someone?’ is a fairly common thought that rushes through the mind at such times. It’s a thought, a tough one, that importantly reflects on the surroundings, whether it’s the relationship of a partner or a friendship. It’s a tough thought because it could possibly be the first crack in the walls between two souls. It could be the start of a culling in the ocean you’re swimming in. But to shine light on such a dark thought, it is generally the start towards a healthier, and happier life.
Our Distance
I could draw lines across the outlines of your muscles with my light fingertips, but you’d still be a galaxy away. I could press my lips against the softness of yours, yet it would feel colder than a ghost. I could have every word I know break through my lips, yet none of them would be able to sink through to your distant heart. This fire we once made together has blown out and I don’t think we’ll make it another day. The tears streaming down your face would only be a dream, a hope that maybe I still matter to you.